there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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