i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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