Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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