she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
