accomplished twins. life is a go
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
