dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
