it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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