the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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