Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
