3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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