Taylor Swift is so right about you.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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