I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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