It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
