that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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