I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
