we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
