He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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