some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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