Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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