did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
