nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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