Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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