she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
