I accidentally had phone sex last night
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Is it penis luge time yet?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
