Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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