my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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