I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
