You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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