What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I have fence marks all over my body
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
