ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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