So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
i think my cat just said my name.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
