he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Randomize
