He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
