Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
