i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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