if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
