I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
