Even water is tasting like jack daniels
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
