I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
she peed on how many people?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
There are leaves in my underwear?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
