Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
