We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
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