i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
