he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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