my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
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