I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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