She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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