remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
