Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
