I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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