jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
