he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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